Quick Synopsis

From award-winning journalist Meg Kissinger, a searing memoir of a family besieged by mental illness, as well as an incisive exploration of the systems that failed them and a testament to the love that sustained them.

Publisher’s Synopsis

Growing up in the 1960s in the suburbs of Chicago, Meg Kissinger’s family seemed to live a charmed life. With eight kids and two loving parents, the Kissingers radiated a warm, boisterous energy. Whether they were spending summer days on the shores of Lake Michigan, barreling down the ski slopes, or navigating the trials of their Catholic school, the Kissingers always knew how to live large and play hard.

But behind closed doors, a harsher reality was unfolding―a heavily medicated mother hospitalized for anxiety and depression, a manic father prone to violence, and children in the throes of bipolar disorder and depression, two of whom would take their own lives. Through it all, the Kissingers faced the world with their signature dark humor and the unspoken family rule: never talk about it.

While You Were Out begins as the personal story of one family’s struggles then opens outward, as Kissinger details how childhood tragedy catalyzed a journalism career focused on exposing our country’s flawed mental health care. Combining the intimacy of memoir with the rigor of investigative reporting, the book explores the consequences of shame, the havoc of botched public policy, and the hope offered by new treatment strategies.

Powerful, candid and filled with surprising humor, this is the story of one family’s love and resilience in face of great loss.

Book Review

While You Were Out is a portrait of one large, dysfunctional family’s struggle with mental illness and the American healthcare system in the 1970s to present. The first portion of the memoir provides readers with an extensive background and introduction to each member of the Kissinger family. As the story unfolds, it details the family members’ mental health struggles and how it impacted the siblings. The final portion of the book dives further into the mental health care system (or lack thereof) in the U.S., particularly in Wisconsin and the Midwest. In the end, Kissinger weaves a narrative of love, guilt, and generational trauma.

I found the Kissinger family to be very interesting and enjoyed learning about each member’s distinct personality along with childhood memories. I can see some other readers possibly finding the book’s first portion exhaustive or tedious. However, I thought they were a fascinating bunch with parents unlike any I knew growing up. If you do not find family dynamics, childhood shenanigans, or learning about people in a different time period intriguing, you may not particularly relish a large part of the book. (My question for you then is, “Why did you pick up a memoir?”)

As someone whose own siblings have suffered from mental illness, I found Kissinger’s experience to be quite relatable. In particular, one of her siblings becomes intangled with the penal system due to their illness, and I have experience with the same issues continuing today. Despite how relatable I found the narrative, I did wish there was more emotional depth in the story. I think Kissinger’s writing style (i.e., journalistic and fact-based) is a bit at odds with emotional exploration. (Plus, she was raised in the Catholic Church of the 1970s and 1980s and rejected therapy multiple times.) I think the book would have benefited from additional introspection and emotion.

I listened to While You Were Out as an audiobook read by the author. I found Kissinger’s voice to be pleasant and easy to enjoy. Between my curiosity and the narration, I was continually excited to start reading again. If you do choose to consume this story by audio, know that the hardcopy includes some pictures that may be worth checking out. 

Overall, While You Were Out is a compelling story of a complex family and their continued confrontations with mental illness. What it lacks in emotional depth, it makes up for in vibrant personalities. This is definitely a book I recommend if you are interested in reading an intimate portrait of a family contending with mental illness.

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